Some
Seniors Jokes
A very elderly gentleman, (mid
nineties) very well dressed, hair
well groomed, great looking
suit, flower in his lapel smelling
slightly of a
good after-shave,
presenting a well looked-after image, walks
into an upscale
cocktail lounge.
Seated at the bar is an elderly lady,
about mid eighties.
The gentleman walks over, sits
alongside of her, orders a drink,
takes a sip
turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I
come here often?"..........
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing
problems for a number of
years. He
went to the doctor and the doctor was
able to have him fitted for a
set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman
to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a
month to the doctor and the doctor
said
"Your hearing is perfect. Your family
must be really pleased that
you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't
told my family yet. I just sit
around
and listen to the conversations. I've
changed my will three
times!"..........
Two elderly gentlemen from a
retirement centre were sitting on a
bench under
a tree when one turns to the other and
says "Slim, I'm 83
years old now and I'm just full of aches
and pains. I know
you're about my age. How do you
feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn
baby." "Really!? Like a
newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I
just wet my pants"..........
An elderly couple had dinner at another
couple's house, and after
eating, the wives left the
table and went into the
kitchen. The two gentlemen
were talking, and one said, "Last night we
went out to a new
restaurant and it was really great. I would
recommend it very
highly'.
The other man said, "What is the name
of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and
finally said, "What is the name
of
that flower you give to someone you
love? You know... the one
that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man.
He then turned towards the
kitchen
and yelled, "Rose,
what's the name of that restaurant we went to
last night?....
Hospital regulations require a
wheelchair for patients being
discharged.
However, while working as a student
nurse, I found one elderly
gentleman
already dressed and sitting on the
bed with a suitcase at his
feet who insisted he didn't need my help
to leave the
hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules,
he reluctantly let me wheel him to
the
elevator. On the way down I
asked him if his wife was meeting
him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still
upstairs in the bathroom changing
out
of her hospital
gown.".........
A senior citizen said to his
eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear
you're getting
married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good
looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too
well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church
mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in
bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry
her then?"
"Because she can still
drive!"..........
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't
it?"
Second one says, "No, it's
Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a
beer ."..........
A man was telling his neighbour, "I
just bought a new hearing aid. It
cost
me four thousand dollars, but it's state
of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What
kind is it?" "Twelve
thirty."..........
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to
the doctor to get a physical. A
few days
later, the doctor saw Morris walking
down the street with a gorgeous
young woman on his arm. A couple of
days later, the doctor spoke
to Morris and said,
"You're really doing great, aren't
you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you
said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and
be
cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I
said, 'You've got a heart murmur;
be
careful.'"..........
A little old man shuffled slowly into
an ice cream parlor and pulled
himself
slowly, painfully, up onto a
stool. After catching his
breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed
nuts?"
"No," he replied,
"Arthritis."..........
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