Need
Assistance? Call The Help Desk
Actual
call centre conversations
Customer: "I've been ringing
0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you
help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number from,
sir?"
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel
Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening
hours".
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Samsung
Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the
telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you
are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it
clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for
Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on
the wall".
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RAC Motoring
Services
Caller: "Does your European
Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"
Operator: "Doesn't the product name give you a
clue?"
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while
travelling in France):
"If I register my car in France, do I have to change
the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
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Directory
Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of
the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the
spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish
Bar but the 'B' fell off".
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear
company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven
in Scotland ".
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing
sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window
to write the number on".
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open
Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a
pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have
done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I
wrote 'click'".
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Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of
the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from
there?"
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Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I
have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I
have my file back again?"
There's always one. This
has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy
should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word
Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the
customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired;
however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for
"Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former
WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these
conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge Hall,
computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with
WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of
trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a
sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went
away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does
your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator:
"Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I
type."
Operator: "Are you still in
WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C:
prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can
you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't
accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor
have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing
with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells
you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't
know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor
and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think
so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and
tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it
is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you
notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just
one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I
need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me,
and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your
computer."
Caller: "I can't
reach.
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it
is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on
something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because
I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office
light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light
then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why
not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha,
Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing
stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep
them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system
and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that
bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right
then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too f%*%*%g stupid to own
a computer!!!!!"
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